Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
