Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
