I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
