Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
