yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
