Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
