Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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