Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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