Buhtt sex?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
