All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
