Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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