I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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