Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
