He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
