i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize