So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
