Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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