I think I am morally bankrupt
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there was a trapeze. enough said
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
