I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
