it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Boobs are out for the taking
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
