Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
