oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
