Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
