I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
