I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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