my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
