This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
