Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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