i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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