Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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