This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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