does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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