Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize