I got chris browned last night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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