Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm at about main and main street
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
