Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
