I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
