are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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