let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
