She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
