youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
