I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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