Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
