I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Small penises have feelings too.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
