dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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