3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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