he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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