she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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