Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
