sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I touched a dick in church today
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