Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
