Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
