He uses pillows to masturbate.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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