sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
