I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
