My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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