my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
