Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
