my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
