If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
