My Higher Power is John Stamos
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
