that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
