I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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