I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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