There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
