I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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