He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
