listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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