I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize