Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
