That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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