Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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