On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
