Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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