It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize