Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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