I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize