There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
