we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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