i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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