My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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