end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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