508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Fuck appropriateness.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
