thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize