If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize