Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and she was petting her beer can
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's shark week go big or go home
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
