Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
