could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
