I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
