did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
