She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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