This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
